


Give Me A Second, I Need To Get My Story Straight

by parallelanprincess



Series: Sugar, We're Goin' Down [7]
Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Cat Grant is a bro, F/F, F/M, Femslash, From Bruce's Boarding School Days so don't worry, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Jewish Character, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Character of Color, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:32:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parallelanprincess/pseuds/parallelanprincess
Summary: Cat Grant has a date, Jenny Olsen has a conspiracy theory, and Alfred bakes a pie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the DCEU Jenny's name is Jenny Jurwhich. Here she is Jimmy's twin as early movie rumors stated she'd be a gender flip of Jimmy. As stated before Cat Grant in this universe is African American and lesbian. Bruce is bi, Clark is bi, Diana is straight but if you headcanon her as something else thats cool.
> 
> This took weeks because I started a new job!!! And I also dealt with mental health issues. And I graduated college too in May of this year so that's why its been delayed. I do plan to continue this series and also do more side stories. My policy is not to post until things are complete. 
> 
> So far, I haven't planned a follow up to this yet. But I am TRYING to do a side story for this verse with different characters that would likely be the next in this series.

Bruce Wayne has had many lovers in all shapes in sizes. Dark skinned women with long, thin legs. Pale men with golden hair and emerald eyes. Most were rich, a few were famous. Every single one of them guaranteed him a spot on the cover _People_ and a slew of articles speculating if one of the world's most eligible bachelors had finally settled down. Rumors of weddings and pregnancies abounded if Wayne's latest paramour was spotted wearing a ring or put on a few pounds. Going out for a night on the town with his newest boyfriend caused the tabloids the proclaim that he'd finally come out of the closet. At the height of his popularity, Bruce Wayne was allegedly engaged to three different women, expecting twins, and considering sex reassignment surgery. He was everything a gossip monger could hope for. Then he went back to Gotham and promptly dropped off the radar.

A cheetah never changes its spots. Wayne wouldn't have gone to ground unless he had something to hide. His innocent rich boy image might have impressed stockholders but Cat Grant refused to believe one of the world's most infamous celebutante's turned over a new leaf. Sightings of the prodigal son were confined to charity events and the occasional press conference. Either the higher ups at Wayne Enterprises were keeping him on a short leash or there was something scandalous lurking just beneath the surface. Cat knew she was on the verge of a big story, she felt it in her extensions.

She waited a whole week for Jenny to get back to her with the photos she got from one of her informants. The picture was too blurry for Cat to make out the dark haired couple dining with Wayne but Jenny was an expert at retouching images. Cat suggested that they meet in one of her favorite cafes to go over their findings. Jenny's turnaround time was usually forty-eight hours, but Cat needed time to get her hair done, buy a new push up bra, and plan the perfect outfit. A curly bob and a pink V-neck that accentuated her best assets were sure to bring any cute photographer to her knees.

She was checking her makeup with her phone when Jenny walked in. The red headed looked paler than usual, clutching her messenger tote with white knuckles. She looked spooked. Cat gestured for her to join her at the small booth in the back.

“Dearest, you look positively shell shocked. Come sit down and tell Mama Cat all about it,” she cooed. Jenny wasted no tie dropping down next to Cat. Her hair was tied in a messy bun, long strands of framing her face perfectly. Why was Jenny toiling away in a cramped dark room when she could be dominating runways?

“Cat, we have a level five emergency. We're talking a full blown Code Streisand. First I thought it was just a case of celebrity look alikes, right? But facial recognition technology does not lie no matter what shady part of the internet you download it from. Then I cross referenced it with some Instagram posts and Wayne's most recent tweets which confirmed it.” Jenny rambled.

“The worst part is that he didn't tell us. Or at least you. I mean, everyone knows you can't keep a secret from Cat Grant. It's Journalism 101. How Clark managed to keep this a secret is beyond me. He always seemed like the mild mannered type,” she continued, rummaging through her bag for her laptop.

“What does Clark have to do with any of this?” Cat asked. He was the nicest guy at the Planet. His recent transformation into eye candy had taken everyone by surprise.

“Everything! What's the WiFi password? The signal in here stinks worse than my brother's cologne.”

“Muffintop. All capital letters, no spaces. We are talking about those Wayne photos aren't we? Do you mind explaining where Clark fits into all this?”

Jenny turned her attention from her computer screen and stared directly into Cat's eyes. From this close she could see the flecks of gold in Jenny's amber eyes. Cat was tempted to count every single freckle that danced across her skin like the night sky. She was so mesmerized that she nearly missed Jenny's next words.

“Clark fits between Diana Prince and Bruce Wayne in the sexiest sandwich ever made,” she whispered. Jenny turned her laptop towards Cat. On the screen was the restaurant photo placed next to a picture of Clark sitting at his desk for comparison. He was wearing the same outfit.

“Jennifer, you can not be serious. Have you been spending time on those creepy conspiracy theory websites again,” Cat said. He didn't seem to be the type to engage in threesomes with celebrities. Or anyone at all really. At the very least he would have consulted her for proper etiquette on one night stands with couples. She fondly remembered their talk on the benefits of swallowing versus spitting.

“Cat, I know two things to be true. One, our government is controlled by reptilians from space. Two, Clark Kent has a sugar daddy and a girlfriend. Don't know how, don't know why but the pictures don't lie. It's got to be him. How else do you explain the wardrobe upgrade and the confidence and the hickies?”

“That's not possible. Clark's so...mild-mannered! Bruce Wayne is the biggest man whore this side of the Mississippi. Do I believe that the Prince of Gotham has a lady and a boy toy on the side? Absolutely. But not our Clark. I have it on good authority that he doesn't put out until the fourth date,” Cat said.

“I knew you'd say that. I've taken the liberty of compiling a timeline of Bruce Wayne's Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat posts from the last three months as evidence. You better order something filling because we're going to be here for a very long time.”

* * *

Diana's couch is far more comfortable than it has any right to be. Clark is sprawled out on it like a spoiled house cat. He's dozing off as he waits for Diana to finish her conference call. They'd planned on going to a performance of the musical _Last Days of Krypton._. The last time Clark went to an actual theater was a field trip to Kansas City to see _Pippin_. He remembered it being near harvest time and all his classmates being grateful for a break from dealing with actual fields.

 Their departure was delayed when Diana received word that an acquisition somehow ended up in Milan instead of Metropolis. What should have been a simple phone call evolved into a three hour Skype conversation involving the original artist, Diana's personal art dealer, the manager of the Bakersfield Museum, and one very confused FedEx customer service representative. Occasionally Clark heard Diana swearing in Greek at whichever person was foolish enough to interrupt her or attempt to take control of the conversation. Bruce should be in there taking notes.

The Prince of Gotham was sitting in on a meeting with the school board. Bruce was spearheading an initiative for Wayne Enterprises to provide funding for struggling schools that wanted to improve their STEM programs. The project was to be Bruce's proving ground on whether he could take a more active role in the company. Staying away from the limelight and focusing on improving the lives of Gotham's less fortunate did wonders for his reputation. Clark and Cat collaborated on a running an opinion poll about which tech company their readers preferred. Wayne Enterprises led by a landslide, LexCorp came in as second. Kord Industries trailed behind with less than a quarter of the vote.

The new leader of LexCorp was polarizing in a completely different way than Bruce. Lex Luthor was an odd one, his behavior at public events straddled the line between eccentric and inappropriate. For many Luthor symbolized everything currently wrong with Silicon Valley: arrogance, excess, and sociopathic tendencies. Lesser reporters were attempting to play up a rivalry between the two heirs as a showdown for the ages. Clark was too biased to throw in his two cents, Luthor wasn't attractive enough to hold Cat's attention, and Lois was more concerned with the lack of diversity in the tech industry.

Clark yawned and sat up. He was starting to get hungry. Diana would likely be another hour, that was plenty of time to order a late lunch. Hopefully Bruce would be able to join them later. A lazy Sunday afternoon watching one of those fancy foreign films with his lovers seemed like a perfect way to start the week. Cooking and cleaning, he thought to himself. He really was on his way to being a kept man. Looking through Diana's veritable catalog of take out menus, he debated whether he should tell Cat. She was the first friend he made when he transitioned to the big city. While the other reporters waited for Clark to prove himself, Cat took him under her manicured wing and taught him how to navigate the never ending chaos of the bullpen.

This wasn't the kind of thing you said over a text message.

_Hey, I'm bi and btw I got a gf & bf. Wyd?_

Clark cringed imagining the lecture that was guaranteed to follow. Well, he had to bite the bullet sooner or later. Polyamory was accepted by the general public only because most people didn't bother to learn the distinction between that an open relationship. It was assumed that polyamorous relationships were primarily based around sex and lack of emotional commitment. Religious groups and moral guardians claimed that they encouraged infidelity and sexual misconduct. Marriage was legal in most states yet many couples faced questions about the legitimacy of their union. Not to mention all the red tape involving divorce, adoptions, and child custody.

Clark knew Cat would accept him as he was. Perry wasn't going to a give a damn unless it interfered with work which was a comfort in itself. Lombard was going to ask for a foursome. He was going to keep asking until either Diana or Bruce knocked him out. All Ron cared about was that damn betting pool.

Lois...

Well she had her chance didn't she? Decided that Clark wasn't good enough from the outset and never looked back. Bruce and Diana barely knew his name before they were welcoming him into their hearts and their beds. Two loves are better than one after all.

As he dialed the Thai place with free delivery Clark found himself wishing he could've had his cake and ate it too.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite getting kicked out for loitering, Cat felt that her date with Jenny was successful. Oh, she was definitely furious at Clark but she was in too good a mood to hunt him down for answers. Cat got a chance to see Jenny in her element. Those perfectly arched eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The way she stuck her tongue out when she typed. Her strange habit of tucking flash drives into her bra. Jennifer Artemis Olsen had Cat completely smitten and didn't even know it. Cat usually avoided becoming involved with coworkers out of a sense of self preservation and paranoia about sexual harassment lawsuits. Pursuing Jenny romantically meant dealing with Jimmy and by extension Lois. Which also meant getting “The Talk” from Perry about professionalism in the workplace. The path of true love never did run smooth.   
  
Standing in front of her open closet, Cat crafted a plan of attack for the week. She'd confront Clark during lunch today and get the full details about his affair. Then she needed to email her contact claiming that the photos were nothing more than a private dinner between Wayne and some business associates. A well worded reprimand for wasting her time was sure to keep the pictures from being sent anywhere else. She'd sneak into the darkroom and propose that Jenny become her special cuddlebug for the foreseeable future and that they should have a romantic candlelit dinner at the first opportunity.

She pulled out a her favorite hot pink pantsuit. You can't make power plays without a sexy power suit. She was Metropolis' Queen of Gossip. She possessed the ability to destroy careers, end marriages, and expose the secrets of anyone foolish enough to block her on Twitter. Cat could handle a few interpersonal relationship changes with her favorite coworkers. Their really was nothing to worry about. Cat had everything planned out.

Was it any wonder that things went to shit almost immediately?

The minute she walked into the bullpen she was greeted to the sight of Ron throwing a stack of bills around. Lombard sulked as he was showered with twenties, glaring at Ron the entire time. Other reporters were seemed to be exchanging cash by the water cooler. Cat was obviously still asleep and needed to take some time off. She starting making her way to her cubicle choosing to be blissfully ignorant of what the latest workroom drama was. There must have been a football game or something last night. Ron and Lombard always had some kind of stupid bet going on.

“I told you! Bisexual or bust! World's changing Petey, not everyone takes sides. Ya boy Clark has more game than the both of us combined,” Ron gloated.

Cat stopped in her tracks. Clark's got game? What the hell was Ron talking about? She stared at the money on the floor and the cash changing hands in various corners of the office.

“Fucking shit on a hot tin roof,” Cat whispered. The betting pool. Someone figured out about Clark and his partners. Someone snitched to the biggest gossips in Metropolis. Someone was going to die. She stomped over to the pair feeling angrier than ever.

“Care to tell me what the scoop is Ronnie?” she asked pointing an accusing manicured finger.

“Who gives a damn if Clark's into men, women, or aliens from outer space? Love is love and don't get me started about all the time you spend staring at Lombard's ugly ass when no ones looking.”

  
“Troupe's got the hots for me?” Lombard looked like he'd been slapped in the face. Which was very likely if he didn't tell Cat what she wanted to hear.

“Pete you can sort out your sexual tension later. Where the fuck is Clark? Who snitched? Because I'm going to shove my foot so far up their ass they'll shit Louis Vuitton.”

“Uh he left about a twenty minutes ago. Jimmy decided to play keep away with his sister's bag. So Jen tries to grab it back from him. Turns into a game of twin tug o' war and next thing ya know there's pics of Clark making out with Wayne all over the floor. People pushing and shoving for the damn things like it's the Fountain of Youth,” Lombard said.

“Any idea where Clark went?” Cat sighed.

“Nope. Knowing him he's probably stuck in traffic with that piece of shit truck of his.”

“Fuck me it's going to be a long week.”

  
As if summoned by some malevolent deity, Perry chose that moment to stroll through the doors. He took one look at the chaos and left forth a mighty roar unheard since the Printer Incident of 2010.


	3. Chapter 3

There a few things in life that can surprise Alfred Pennyworth. This includes opening the door to a teary eyed Clark Kent. He ushers the young reporter into the kitchen, pours him a cup of tea, and sets to work baking him an apple pie to soothe whatever misfortune has befallen him. He'd like to say this is the first time one of the young master's lovers has shown up heartbroken on the doorstep. However, this is the first time he's ever invited him in.

Master Kent is a good man, a good influence on Master Bruce, and excellent journalist. Alfred has half of his attention in rolling the dough and the other half listening to Kent explain his coworker's reaction to his sexual preferences. Alfred knew from experience that Bruce's polyamorous relationship would cause a stir. The lawyers were already informed how to act in case things took a turn for the scandalous. Miss Prince and and Master Clark are good, decent people and he won't allow the likes of Vicki Vale and Cat Grant to drag them through the mud. Alfred takes a break from slicing apples to offer him a handkerchief. As Kent attempts to compose himself, Alfred thinks of another young man sitting in that same chair many years ago and sobbing over things he could not control.

* * *

  
Years in Her Majesty's Naval Service had hardened him to the harsh realities of world. Training under father to succeed him as butler to the Wayne family taught him the strain associated with a lifetime of devotion. When he suddenly found himself the guardian of a scared, traumatized young boy he kept a stiff upper lip and focused on raising Bruce to be the fine young man his parents would have wanted. Becoming a father granted him a new perspective on many things he thought he understood.

He understood pain so he sent Bruce to Leslie Thompkins, the best therapist in Gotham. He understood sadness so he did his best make as many happy memories with Bruce as possible. He understood love so he answered Bruce's thinly veiled questions about both sexes and having more than one partner. Alfred also understood failure. Bruce started to actively avoid Leslie's treatment plans, often skipping sessions to go hang out with his school mates. The ever increasing crime rate in Gotham only intensified his worries. Catching glimpses of fresh, straight lined scars on his master's legs was the final straw.

He understood sacrifice.

The line between father figure and servant blurred as the years passed. Alfred's duty was to serve the head of the Wayne family to the best of his ability. He couldn't do that if the young master remained in Gotham. With a heavy heart he sent Bruce off to Queen Academy hoping (praying) he was doing the right thing. In the beginning all goes well. His young master made friends, excelled in his courses, and had weekly meetings with the school's psychologist.

Then Oliver Queen came bursting into Bruce's life and things began to take a turn for the worst. One would hope that the headmaster's own son would prove to be a positive influence. Instead Queen introduced his new roommate to drugs and drinks alongside hands on lessons about the birds and the bees. Bruce entered puberty with a blood alcohol level of 0.09% and a venereal disease. He'd plucked the boy out of the frying pan and into the proverbial fire.

The teenage years are long and tumultuous. The Gotham City Police Departments puts Wayne Manor on speed dial and Alfred has many late night chats with Officer Gordon over Bruce's behavior. Gordon doesn't take bribes and while Alfred deeply respects his integrity, he dreads watching a court official snap an ankle monitor on his son's leg. House arrest seems to make Bruce reconsider his life choices. A private tutor is brought in to ensure that Bruce is able to graduate with the rest of his class. Banning Oliver Queen from Wayne Manor is a necessary precaution. Threatening to donate the young master's trust fund to charity is another.

Bruce's sweet sixteen is a small, intimate affair. The guest list is intentionally sparse. It's nearly an exact replica of the one used for his bar mitzvah three year's ago: Diana Prince, Theodore Kord Jr, and Thomas Morrow are there to watch him blow out his candles. As the four teenagers take turns throwing cake into each other's face, Alfred makes a petition to have Bruce removed from house arrest for good behavior. Gordon denies of course but it was worth a shot. When Bruce finally returns to Queen Academy he promises Alfred to turn over a new leaf and become a better man. And to avoid a certain someone unless he wants to be barred from his trust fund until he finishes graduate school.

He graduates on time if only because Alfred mails the discarded ankle monitor in warning when his grades begin to slip. Alfred is proud to watch Bruce walk across the stage. He's even prouder when he breaks up with Queen shortly after the ceremony. Then it's off to Cambridge and doing Lord knows what across the continent. He's an adult now and Alfred must trust him to make the right decisions. And to not give TMZ more material to work with.

* * *

  
In the present, Alfred stiffens his upper lip and his resolve. He advises Master Clark to do the same thing. After putting the pie in the oven, Alfred texts Master Bruce that it is imperative he come home as quickly as possible. Miss Prince is out of the country yet it highly possible she will be on the next flight to Gotham when she checks her voicemail. Things are about to come to ahead. He has seen is charge through worst situations.

He understood that true love conquers all in the end.


End file.
